Election is fast approaching and though I am not a voter yet, I feel the responsibility to influence other people in choosing the suitable person to be in the office. I am having second thoughts on who to choose because the nearer it gets the more crucial it is. Anyway, campaign period will be on February 10 but the politicians are slowly making their way to the top. Working their way and campaigning in a not-so-obvious-mode but me, their ways are too obvious not to be recognized. I mean: I see banners here and there, they are sponsoring some events and we see them everywhere. Isn't this abnormal? I don't like what is happening especially because they are giving hope to the people even if those hopes aren't that bright. They give promises to people even if they don't have plans on fulfilling those promises. I don't mean all the candidates but as of the last election, those that I said really happened in real life.

I know that I am not a big person in the community, I aspire to be one of those people in office but I want to be different. My mind may change about my dreams but one thing will never change: I want the Philippines to prosper and to be different but I know that it won't be that easy. Closing the topic about me, I just want to talk about the candidates.

To the candidates: it isn't enough that you will sponsor events, talk on TV and smile to people. You have to prove that you are beyond what you are showing to everyone. I believe that in the inner part if every person, there is something that is good and the nature of human is really good all you have to do is letting that nature dominate your being so that things will turn out okay. The politicians shouldn't let the evil dominate them so that people won't be hurt.

To the voters: please be wise in choosing the right person to be in office. This isn't a guideline; this is just something that I wanted to tell you what I want you to know. Let's just be wise and let's balance the decision making by choosing with the use of our heart and mind.

-Sheena-

P.S.: Sorry about this vague post.

January seemed to be too long but when February came, it was as if January passed by too quickly. In a span of one month, a lot of things already happened and it troubled me that I've been affected by a lot of things in my surroundings.

January as a recap, I get to see my friends for the first time this year and I am enjoying the moments I have with my friends and family. With my friends, I've been partying most of the time and eating and watched a movie with them. Everything is different because I am doing things I don't actually used to do but honestly, there are things that needs to be constant in life and that is discipline. Yes, I've been hanging around with my friends but I didn't forget to go home before my mom calls me and of course, to tell her if where will I be. Things like that are actually needed to maintain a good relationship with my parents. They may not ask me many questions but I feel the responsibility to narrate to them whatever I want them to know so that they won't be that curious and ask whatever they want to ask. I feel cool but at the same time worried about what will be my future. I mean, I have big dreams but I don't really think those dreams will be realized because some dreams are meant to remain as dreams.

I had a retreat last January and it will surely be a part of my 2010 greatest because a lot of things happened that don't usually occur in my ordinary life and even in the lives of my classmates. I get to know them more and created a stronger bond with them and it is fulfilling to know that behind those fights and sarcasms that we have lays a hidden family bond ready to come out whenever needed. Those days will be something that I will bring throughout my life and the people that I was with will be a part of the life that I will never forget.

January ended and I am in the love month already. I feel the emotion of love but not of opposite sex but of the friends and family that I have. I am so blessed to have people like them in my life and I will never forget to greet them this Valentine's Day. Along with the happy moments are sad and challenging moments, beating the deadline and accepting failing scores are the usual things that hurt me but recently the hurt transposed into something deeper.

It sucks when the person you used to call close friend, good classmate and a part of your clique is slowly moving away and eventually everything ended in just a short moment. Not that it totally ended; there is just something that left the box empty that it isn't substantial anymore and holding on isn't an option because it is too difficult to hold on if there is only one party holding and it seemed useless so better let go and move on. I am not happy with this but I have to accept it and leave everything to God because he knows what will happen next. As for me, I just have to stay and to be someone who will catch that person when she falls because I am serious in being her friend but if it will really hurt so badly, I will not hesitate to leave and be with my real friends. I am sorry if I am broadcasting this to everyone, I just find it difficult to accept that it hurts so much that I wanted to wake you up from your dream. This isn't how it should be and I guess we don't deserve the kind of treatment that you give to us.

-Sheena-

It's funny how things start as a simple one and then in the later part, it will become the most difficult thing that you've encountered. The simple smile that he offers you which will let you smile as well is now the reason why you don't want to see him. The simple "hi" that he is saying used to be the reason why you wanted to see him and now, it is already the reason why you avoid every single moment that could probably allow you to see each other.

Things weren't so complicated then, it used to be as simple as 1, 2, 3 and A, B, C and now, it is worst than any other thing. The simplicity of life is now complicated. In my own point of view, my life is more than complicated. It gets harder each day and more things are bugging me. Is it really like this? Why does this have to be this way?

Before it turned out to be like this, things were just easy as reading the notes that I should read, copying the notes that I wrote somewhere else, updating my blog, enjoying plurk, twitter and tumblr, chatting with my friends… those are the things that I used to do, now I don't even have enough time to sort out and read my emails by heart, I directly publish post without reading it and all my plurk updates are saying: 'good evening' I sometimes say that I had a long day but then I realized that 24 hours isn't enough to do good in life. We have to do things even if the day has ended and even if the world around us is silent because not all of us have the same things to do. We are different in the sense that some will wake up early and sleep late, or some will wake up late and sleep late, or vice versa. Life isn't about similarities but it's all about the difference that we have.

As for me and my heart, that's the difference. My mind is wide awake and is aware of the possible things that could happen if I will continue my obsession but my heart says I shouldn't stop because it is him that makes my world go round. I am hesitant about this because I believe in the power of self choice but right now, my mind and heart are debating on which way I should follow. As of now, I am not certain on which I am following. I may sound crazy here but sometimes, being weird and unpredictable and vague and stupid and crazy is the way I can be myself and I am sure that the best way of showing my true self is to find things complicated and accept it other than understanding it. Well, this is me right now. Crazy.

We fought. AGAIN. And I don't know if when we will talk again. I just hope soon we will. I hope things with him will be normal or if not normal, I hope it will be abnormally normal. </3

Life isn't just the same as before. It has this certain ability to be unpredictable and difficult to handle. I guess this is a way of showing or saying: "WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD, SHEE!"

-Sheena-

Late last year, I was talking about my male counterpart. I see myself in him and now, I am seeing more of me in his personality. Just few hours ago, he entered into the place we often meet. I never talked to him first because of some unreasonable reasons, but before he left we had a little conversation enough to complete my day.

He was telling me about this girl he is courting and now they are officially together. Sucks, right? Being the person who often hears everyone's love affair yet I have mine in complete privacy and secrecy. Yep, up until now no one knows who I love. On the other side of the story, I was kind of feeling weird when he told me about his relationship and I was just sitting silently and didn't react that much and he asked me if I was jealous. Is it that obvious? Is it really clear that I have something for him that made him say that? Anyway, I am just sharing this to everyone to let you know that I am still like everyone else.

I love. I get hurt. I weep. I move on.

But I guess there is this part of me that hasn't really moved on. A part of me that I have been longing to separate from my personality so that I won't be hunted by these thoughts, by his memories and by his presence but just all those big events in my life, I haven't really let these thoughts and memories go. I am still the same person that he used to make fun of but I am certain that the personality I was showing then is kept in the deepest part of my being that it will take a long time to bring that old self back. It wasn't gone but at least it's too hard for it bring back.

I just find things amazing that no matter how I get myself involved with different guys and even expose myself to other guys, there is always that one man that I would go back to every time I get hurt. The irony is, that man was the first one to break my heart but I guess what matters is that: he was the first one to make it beat like crazy. For some, I may be talking about non sense here but if soon… when that man will know how much I value him in my life despite everything that happened, I just wish he will appreciate this and not look down to me more. He might be happy now but soon, I promise myself I will be happier than him.

Enough of him because for now, I only have one wish and that is for my male counterpart to be mine even if it is again another impossible thing to happen since he is with somebody else and sadly, I am one those few people who knows about this and yes, I am hurt but a bit proud of myself because these things are common in life now and I survived despite the pain that I am feeling and my friends never fail to let me know that I still have something left in my being.

-Sheena-

If painters have their own muses, if songwriters have someone to look up to whenever they'll write a song, I also need an inspiration to create something different. I have to admit that for the past few days, I've been inspired by different people and even different events that happened in my life and in other's lives but I think those things aren't enough to actually make me write something for my blog. Often times, I end up reading a book in order to let boredom pass and to spend time not thinking of other things. Maybe that's the reason why my life hasn't been that fruitful or unproductive. So, I'm trying to write something about not being able to find a good subject or an interested topic to publish in my blog.

I was thinking about my future and my plans for the upcoming days but things are becoming unpredictable these days. Last week, I attended the retreat with my friends and it was a beautiful one. I get to spend more time with my friends and cried in front of them for different reasons. I get to wash the feet of my classmate as a sign of humility just like what Jesus did during the last supper. On the other hand, I was able to realize that I only have two months left in high school and God knows what will happen in my life next. I have plans but plans will change and that is something that I am trying to grasp right now. Last night, I spent almost an hour in the bathroom crying. Yes! I cried again but this time with a reason that may seem unreasonable to some of you but it has a great impact in my life. I don't want to ruin what's ahead of me so I'm trying to mellow down and be calm with whatever people around me are saying. Each moment passing and whenever I am silent, a picture of me in the future often appear though I am struggling but still, I am happy on my own. I really love living life independently but sadly, some people don't trust me and so, I am stuck here in the present and trying to figure out how I will survive here in the present and how I am trying to change all my aspirations in life. I am slowly changing my dreams into smaller one because I am jailed and forced to limit my dreams. I don't want to limit my dreams so; I am still trying to figure out how to start from scraps while fulfilling my goal. I have big dreams and I don't care what the odds are but I am fulfilling this on my own. I love dreaming and some of my dreams are coming to reality so I won't stop just because I am forced to. If I should do it secretly then I will. If they won't allow me, I don't care. I think I am responsible enough to be on my own. I'm sorry if I will disappoint some people, it's just that some rules are meant to be violated in order to be better in living life. Some people should be wrong in whatever they are saying and some people are meant to correct them because that's how they will learn and that's how life goes.

I may sound weird but yes, if I think I should rebel and change in order to live the life I want to live. I will. For me, there are some opportunities that shouldn't be thrown away. It's not because someone is putting a wall in your dreams that you will stop making those dreams to happen. One thing I learn in life: Some walls are meant to be climbed and some rules are meant to be broken in order to be happy and see your dreams happen. J

-Sheena-

I have read three of the many books that Nicholas Sparks wrote. I don't know what else to say but amazing! It isn't all about the love story or the words but it is all about the reality that he is trying to stick in his writings. The first book that I read from Nicholas Sparks was A Walk To Remember and most of us knows how the story goes. There was a movie of the same story also, reading the book and watching the movie made me cry. I am not that emotional and I don't really think I am a cry-baby but the story is just heartwarming and it made me into an idealistic person trying to look for my own hero in real life. What touched me most was that, the story was turned into reality when the lead female character died and it only proved that yes, some stories may end up happily but there is still something in it that made each one of us sad and that is what made Nicholas sparks into a good writer. I do believe that there is no such thing as happy ending in life. Everything would be hanging and something would be missing.

The same goes with Message In A Bottle, I actually want to try writing a letter and put it in a bottle and throw it in the sea but there is just something or someone that hinders me from doing it. The story is plain fiction but the essence of not-happily-ever-after ending is still and I again cried when the lead male character died. Happiness can't be found by simply setting with small things and letting it end, happiness is when you are there along the way and not minding the possible things that may happen in the end. It may seem impossible and a little difficult to understand but if you try to put it in your heart, you will surely know that is meant by happily-ever-after-is-not-existing but happiness along the way does.

The latest book that I read from Nicholas Sparks was The Last Song, the reason why I was interested in reading this was when I knew that they are making a movie out of this story and the lead character will be brought to life by Miley Cyrus. So, I started reading the story and I found myself in love with Will's character. Okay, setting the "in love part" I really cried while reading the last part of the story, when Steve told Ronnie that he has cancer. And with Will, he didn't left Ronnie only when she told him to do so. I like the way how Will tried to understand everyone around him and I like the way Ronnie was honest with all the people around. And also, me and my dad had an argument and last night, I was reading the sad part of the story so it made me cry again. I can't wait to watch the movie and I hope it is good. And I want to see the Will of my life because this time, it is him that I want to have as the guy of my life. The ending of the story was another reality, the father died but I am spending with my parents because no one knows what will happen next.

I won't end with The Last Song, I will still look for more Nicholas Sparks books and I will read those books with all my heart and I am inspired to be a better person because no one knows what will happen next. The ending might happen soon. J

-Sheena-

I've been struggling to balance the different worlds that I am living. Weird and complicated as you may think, but yes I am living different worlds. Worlds that aren't even connected with each other, lives that won't even blend if mixed together. Well, this is my life.

I often get some comments these days; I've been trying so hard to do well in school that it will come to the point that I won't enjoy what I'm doing. I am not like other people who sit and just chill out the whole day, I am not even the type of person who studies until they will get good grades. I am far from those types of people, I am not one of them and never will I be like them. I didn't learn many things from my parents, I basically learn life's lessons by myself and I'm proud of myself but sometimes, I wish I never learned those at an early age. My friends from an important part of my life are happy living their lives, they enjoy the things that they are doing and it is as if nothing is bothering them. I went on asking myself, how are they doing it? How can they spend money and not think of what might happen tomorrow? On the other side of me, I can't help but feel amazed with some people who manages to do good in everything that they are doing. I mean, people are just different and that amazes me. I may be with different types of people but one thing's for sure, I am happy with them and no matter what hardships they will give to me, I will cherish and understand them always because they are a great part of me.

But life will never be the same as yesterday or today or even tomorrow. There is always that twist that makes it a better and a fruitful one. Once in my life, I was this happy go-luck-girl who flops and who takes advantage of a certain situation that will benefit only me but more of me really wanted to be a better person. So, I built a wall in my life that only chosen people can enter. People who, in a way or another changed me and accepted for my flops and disappointments, I have been exclusively hanging out with chosen friends and I am happy but at the same time proud of myself. I may not be there with them always but my absence would mean spending some time with other important people as well just like my family, if it's not my family then it will be my studies. My friends may not understand what I am doing, making those things happen just to be different but let this posts be the voice and explanation of everything. If I am not with them, then I am most certainly in my house doing some errands for my family and making them proud of me. I don't think I am being selfish because as much as possible, I am making an effort to balance my time very well. My mind wanders around thinking that if I will spend time solely with you, I should keep in my mind that there might be other people who needs my help. I am thankful that my friends who keeps on understanding me even if my reasons are lame and unreasonable for some, I am just preparing for what might happen soon. I hope, it will still be us in McDo because those moments really made me happy and made my life a colorful one. J

Thank You; Cor, Yen, Jev, Donz and Yor… You guys are one of the best people in High School!

-Sheena-